I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good Private Message to Dad

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I've been thinking about this-

about a lot of things-

for a while, and I think I just want to write some of it to you and put it here--like this, under this locking spell--and just sort of leave it behind, I guess, since I won't be able to see it again after tonight.

I mean, it's not even that I think you're going to be able to read it or know what I write-

but I want to think about these things the way I would have done if I were telling you, y'know? and I don't want Mum to see that I'm writing you. It would make her 

Argh. Maybe this isn't any good. Trying to write it out.

Only, things've changed so much.

There's the twins out of school and in business and doing so much for the Order in places you don't know anything about. Aldrich and Bedford and Saltash.

And Mum. You'd be amazed. Not surprised she could do it or anything. You always said she could do anything. But still, it's so odd. Now when she writes it's all about that and hardly about the things she used to talk about.

And Percy.

At least Charlie and Bill are mostly the same. Well, maybe not Bill so much, working for that Mulciber bloke and seeing an Auror and trying to be you since you're not here.

Ginny's better, though. Really. I think we should bring her into the Order, and I'm going to say so soon, even though Mum'll be against it. Something'll have to happen to make it feel like the right time. But you'd really be proud. Of Ginny, I mean. It's funny. After all of it with Gin, ever since she came to school, really--it's not her I'm worried about, now, doing something that could get everyone hurt. And it's not Percy. No one trusts him enough to give him a chance.

It's me.

I'm supposed to be doing badly at this challenge thinger. And maybe I am, but I can't really tell, and I'm afraid I may be doing just well enough to end up in the middle of it, y'know? I mean, Avery thinks so. He told me I need to stop seeing Sally Anne. I think he'd talked to Pansy about it first, maybe. She's been odd since this whole thing started, but I think it's because she's trying to squib her results, too, and it's bloody difficult, doing that. Anywiz, I got the idea that Pansy'd said something to Avery, but really, it could've been Sandoval, but he was so-

And here's the problem: if I do what Charlie says and ignore Avery and just keep seeing Sally Anne, then it'll be really clear I don't care about being on the Council. Or not enough to jump when they ask me to. But maybe that's making it too obvious I don't care. And someone might take that out on her, when it's me they're annoyed with.

Dad, I can't figure what to do. I keep going round and round about it, and I just, I don't know. Because it's all getting serious. A lot more serious.

Sandoval wants to know if I'm still keen on Auror training. And if I want a summer position.

And I'm still just as shite as ever at occlumency.

And I'm probably never going to be an animagus, either. I mean, you'll laugh at this--I woke up yesterday with a feather on my pillow and thought maybe... something, y'know? But it was just one of Pig's that'd probably been in my hair or my robe collar or something.

What am I going to do, Dad? I've got myself in a cauldron that's getting pretty hot, and I could land a load of other people in here with me if I'm not careful. Even if I am.


Yeah. Got to stop so I can write one more note before midnight.

Thanks, Dad. I don't know what I thought it'd do, writing you. I knew the answers wouldn't drop out of the air into my head.

But I reckon it was good to do it, anywiz.

So, yeah.

Goodnight.