Order Only Private Message to Sally Anne

[alt_ron]

So. It came today. Ministry owl.

Six weeks. Full-on trial for acceptance into the training programme that'll start up next summer. Reckon that means there'll be some other interns making a run at the same thing. Sound familiar?

And I still  haven't  

Comments

[alt_sally_anne]

Well, that's good.

Maybe?

I mean -- it's what you were trying for.

[alt_ron]

...

Yeah.

[alt_sally_anne]

We can come up with a way to get you out of it, if you want.

I mean

I know you want to be useful to the Order but there are a thousand ways to be useful. And they HAVE an Auror, even. If you don't want to do this.








That's probably a stupid thing to say, I mean, of course you don't want to.

[alt_ron]

Right. They've got Lamont, and they may have Hydra, as well. Looks like.

So we don't need me to be there, really. Right?

Only Lamont said she expects to get found out sometime and thinks it would be good strategy if we have someone else embedded there. Someone meaning me.

But I'm a giant risk if I can't transform. Ugh. You know how hard I'm trying!

[alt_sally_anne]

Yeah, I know.

I know.

Does Lamont think you should quit, if you can't work it out?

[alt_ron]

She thinks I'm an eejit for not being able to do it.

I mean she didn't say that, but she didn't have to, yeah? She said if I'm average at Occlumency, then it should be alright since Auror Lestrange doesn't bother with interns or trainees much. But would you say I'm average at it? How do you measure that, anywiz?

At least she said not to back out now. She said keep trying the animagus transformation. Like I'm not trying every bleedin time I can get somewhere no one will see me.

Sorry. Anywiz, she said stick with it for now. Accept and then find an excuse to back out at the last minute if I have to.


I've been reading that Naked Mole Rat book Lamont gave me again. All that stuff about radical self-acceptance because if your inner animal is a naked mole rat, you need to embrace that fact or you'll never be able to transform. Oh, and owning the fact that your inner animal isn't random but says something about who you are. I mean, I'm trying not to assume I know what form I'll have, but that's so hard. I mean, how can you visualise changing and NOT have some idea what you'll be when you do? Argh!

You know what? Now, I'm just sitting here watching that origami animagus you gave me for my birthday. It's brilliant--a man then a bird then a pig then a cat then a lion then a dog then a owl then a man then whatever it thinks of next. I want that to be me so much!

[alt_sally_anne]

Well have you tried turning into a naked mole rat? Or something else hideous unappealing?

Anyway Mr Snape could probably tell you if you're average at Occlumency or not, and whether you'd be safe provided no one's actually TRYING to peer inside your head. Though I can almost guarantee you that he'll be insulting about it.

[alt_ron]

I mean, I really thought I'd been feeling it start in those exercises Dumbledore set for me. But nothing happens.

He says I should keep trying, coming at it from odd angles, and one of these times it'll just flow. Or unfold. Or shake out.

He's got all these ways of describing it.

I don't know.

[alt_sally_anne]

Maybe make a huge list of animals and try every one? Aardvark and antelope through yak and zebra?