Order Only Private Message to Pansy Parkinson and Sally Anne Perks

[alt_ron]

You awake yet? or still?

You were right: he wants to have a look at it. Do you want to come along? I mean, I know you sort of wanted to take it back to Mr Black's elf, and I don't know if Professor Dumbledore might want to keep it.

It's still dead, though. So that's a good thing.

Comments

[alt_sally_anne]

I'm awake. Yeah, I'll come.

[alt_pansy]

I feel so stupid.

About all of it.

Thank you. For telling it the way you did.

I'll probably have to tell Mr Dumbledore and Mrs Longbottom and Sirius every last detail, but

Yeah. I feel ridiculous enough as it is.

[alt_ron]

No worries, Fish-eye.

You know what, though? When you're hacked off, you're dead scary. I wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of a duel or a war against you!

What I mean is, I think you'd stand a chance now if you ever had to fight. Or serve the Council.

Course the rest of us hid like ten-year-olds with a boggart loose in the bedroom. Not sure what that says about us.

[alt_pansy]

Mrs Longbottom already thinks I'm

UGH.

Right.

That isn't real. Or, well, I think it took things I was afraid of and made them bigger than they really were. So it is something I thought about a lot, but I don't know how real it is.

I don't know what she thinks about me.

[alt_ron]

What is?

I mean, what was it making you think?

[alt_pansy]

It's hard to explain.

But. Okay. Take the challenge. Hydra and Draco and you and me. Hydra and Draco would be suited for the council, obviously, I mean, it's just clear that they'd be able to be successful, and so let's do everything we can to get them onto it, and talk about what they'll do once they get there, and Ron, you're getting some good attention from this, why don't you make a serious go for the aurors, which is also really important and valuable, and Pansy, dear, do your best to lose.

It's like I was chosen as a joke. Like everyone, including the people who picked us, thought I was incompetent and there to fill out the numbers, and even though my father was a councilwizard and my occlumency skills were probably just as good as Draco's, it was like they just assumed I'd be a failure from the beginning and I was never going to be a valid option.

And I know, it would be awful and hard to be on the council. But I would've done what I could, just like you will with the Aurors, and

I had to force myself onto the lock, and then when we joined the Order, it felt like I got all the distrust that Draco and Hydra got, but none of the advantages. Distrust isn't the right word. But it isn't easy being in the Order sometimes when you've got parents like ours. And when I was reading back through the older entries, before we joined in, I was always on the list of people they were concerned about, sometimes the only one on the list before they knew about Hydra and Draco, and the thing is, everything I'm writing is true, isn't it?

Ugh. I'm sorry. It's just hard to sort everything out.

[alt_pansy]

And now, I'll be the half-wit who stole something Dark without knowing what it was or telling people about it like I should've and is just mental and unstable and can't be trusted.

I need to get out of my own head. I just can't trust it right now.

[alt_ron]

Okay. Whoa.

For one thing, you're not the only person it's happened to. Look at Ginny.

I mean, yeah. We all thought she was, well, unrecruitable because she was always making it so obvious she didn't want anything to do with any of us and was acting like she was going the way Percy went, y'know? And sometimes she made you think she might be a nutter, really. Didn't she?

But it was that tiara, and once it was gone, she got better and better, and we all realised what had happened, and now...

See what I'm saying? She was worse than you ever got. Until last night, at least. I mean, I don't think she did ever try killing anyone.

Er.

But I know what you're saying, too. It's different for Ginny because my family had so many of us already in the Order, and your family were on the other side.

I don't know about the Council thing. I mean, everyone assumed I should be sure to fail, too. Especially because of the Occlumency thing. (And how stupid did that made me look? I mean, everyone's better at it than I am. Even Neville. Yeah, anywiz. Sorry. Just, I know how that feels.)

But now look where that strategy's got us. I mean it could be we'll both end up there now that Draco's...

Look. I don't know what to say about the way Mrs Longbottom and the rest acted about the challenge and what they wanted for you. I guess we've all kind of got to figure out what we can do to help. Partnering the twins in their shop is a big thing you've been doing for the Order. And you're going to be a brilliant potioneer, right? And that could be dead useful.

How have things been, working with Mr Snape, then? I mean, does he... I don't know. How do you get on with him?

[alt_pansy]

He offered to apprentice me, and then this challenge came up, and I never had the time to do more than help with the basics and learn his version of them.

Hermione was always

I suppose I can talk to him this summer. But it's not like he can oversee anything at school any more, so I might be able to do some things over hols, but any serious training would have to wait.

And yes, we could. I suppose if there's anything good that's come out of this, it's that I've been mentally preparing for being on the council for months, because I kept thinking about how it should really be me anyways. And now you're an animagus, which is so very utterly brilliant, Ron, I mean, it totally is, and you should be so proud of yourself, and that was just amazing that you were able to do that, and help Hermione like you did.

[alt_ron]

I did help her, didn't I?

Only, you know. When I'd gone and found the hole in the back of that cupboard and got the bracelet, I couldn't actually get it to her.

I was able to slip through the door into the room, but it was too far, and there were too many people. And they were- she couldn't have taken it from me. She couldn't

So I left.

I was trying to think what to do. I thought maybe there'd be another way in through the walls if I got back to one of the holes. Or I could've maybe got up some bigger distraction, except we'd already been trying all we could think of.

And then I met up with the Headmistress. Her cat form.

She only had three paws, and she looked- she looked really ill. Didn't smell right, either. So many things smelled wrong--she did, and back in the room-

Anywiz, she took it from me. And you know what happened after that.

I think she was already dying, though. And knew it. That's why she was-

So it wasn't really me that got to Hermione after all. I couldn't help her.

[alt_pansy]

If you could've gotten it to her on your own, you would've. You got it to the Headmistress, though. And if she was dying, she might have been too weak to get to the portkey and then get to Hermione, or might not have been able to reach it at all.

I really hate to think what would've happened if you hadn't been there.

I think it had to be the both of you. That you couldn't do it on your own, and she couldn't do it on her own either. So you did it together.