Order Only Private Message to Sally Anne and Pansy

[alt_ron]

So, the thing is... I worked with Desai a fair bit this summer, and there are things she expects. Things I've got to do if I want her to push me forward for the programme.

It's-

There's just a way of doing things-

You have to act like you've got the right    to do anything to   anyone-
  especially people who aren't   who aren't, uh  well connected, y'know? I mean, it wasn't just people we suspected of doing something illegal that we-  y'know

it was people we wanted to get information from, but also just

just anyone who got in the way

especially if one of the Aurors thought they looked like they weren't afraid of us or weren't impressed enough, but sometimes it was just, I don't know

Just because they were in the wrong place and got in the way or didn't get out of the way quickly enough

Ugh. Okay, it's like taking the wands today? I did it because I could and because it would leave them open, and I knew Desai'd think they deserved that because, I don't know, not just because they're halfbloods, Milli and Kat, but because they didn't defend their wands, for one thing, and Milli had that sort of stupid cross look and Kat had a moment where she couldn't decide what to do. If you show weak, she'll treat you that way and expect other people to.

You just, it's an Auror thing to establish authority straight off the top, so then people mostly just fall in and do what you say. Anywiz, they tend not to challenge you as much. So I knew I had to follow that today. If I hadn't, she'd have thought I'd got nothing out of the training this summer.

So, yeah. It's not pretty, I guess, but there it is.

Comments

[alt_sally_anne]

Yeah.

I can see that.

Private message to Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

I sort of figured, this summer, that might be why you didn't ever want to tell me very much.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_ron]

You think it's really wrong, don't you?

I mean, there're a lot of things I just, I couldn't think how to tell you about when they happened, so I


didn't

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

No.

I mean, I do and I don't. Of course it's wrong. Which is why we have to change things.

But we're not going to change things by asking people nicely and wringing our hands when they tell us to sod off, are we?

So you'll do what you have to do. I just hate what it's doing to you. Same with Hydra, actually.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

It's weird how I used to assume the grownups would have answers, if only we could talk to them properly.

Ha, as if.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Yeah.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_ron]

I mean, I didn't kill anyone. I didn't even get licensed for the Cardinals. But I think some of it was almost as bad.

I mean, it's just the way they all think, and I had to try to think like that, too, so I'd have the right-

You know, it's not just what you do or the things you say, it's the way you stand and the way you walk and the way you look at people. And the tone you take. And, and there's a way tone you use to cast. Actually-

Merlin, I hadn't even thought it out until just now, but... y'know, a lot of the time Aurors use nonverbal spells. They're sort of arrogant about that. But there're times they don't. And that's when they want to really terrify people or, y'know, just make them stop short and give up. Because the tone they use when they cast verbally? It's really- it's- I don't know- it's cold. And it makes the spells more powerful than if you cast them the way we learned in lessons.

And when you use that tone enough, it's how you hear the nonverbals in your head, too.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

Oh, yeah.

I know the tone you mean.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

You can tell me this stuff, you know.

I don't want you to

I mean

If you have to DO it you deserve to have people listen to you talk about it after. And I always will. If you want.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_ron]

I don't know. I didn't want to think about it too much. It was like- if I didn't think it through or didn't think it over afterwards, then it wouldn't be  real, I guess.

And, okay, this is mad, but I thought a lot about what it would've been like if Dad had been alive and I'd had to tell him what I was doing for that internship--because he would've asked and he'd have thought I should tell him so we could work out how to keep my head straight through it all. And I really didn't want to ever have him know the sort of things-

I just didn't want to say them.

I expect it doesn't matter now, though. You're going to see it. Twice a week in Defence.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

Oh yeah. I mean I understand about not wanting to think about things, and feeling like talking just makes them more real.

I wish your Dad were still alive. I mean I think he could reassure you better than I could. Even if he'd have made you talk about things when you didn't want to.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_ron]

I do, too.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_ron]

You mean about your Dad?

Or other things, too?

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_sally_anne]

Oh, you know, that too.

But I was thinking about this other thing that happened this summer, which is that I ran into that one Healer. The awful one, from when I was little. He was working at St Mungo's.

I didn't tell anyone, because I knew I might see him again. And the last thing I wanted to do was fall apart right in St Mungo's, you know? Better to just

Well, anyway, it worked and I was fine.

I told Madam Pomfrey about him after I came back to school. His name's Hubert Drubble, I'm actually really glad to know that. I didn't know his name before and anytime I'd run into a new Healer I'd worry it was going to be him. Now as long as they have a different name I'll know it's not.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_ron]

You met him? Was it- Did he do anything to you?

Were you afraid of him?

What did Madam P say? Does she know him?


You know, Drubble's kind of a naff name, actually. Heh. Imagine having a name like that growing up. (Weasley's bad enough!) I expect he got the sharp end of a lot of wands when he was in school, don't you think? The git.

Sorry. Maybe that's awful. Only, it helps me if I can find something ridic about a person like that, lets me cut them down a peg or three in my head, especially someone who thinks they're all that.

Erm. That's not an Auror thing. Learned that one from the twins.

Re: Private message to Ron

[alt_ron]

Thanks.

[alt_pansy]

It isn't pretty, no.

But there's a point to it, yeah?

And there's a difference between doing something because it's what you have to do to fit in, and doing it because you think it's the right thing.

And if that's what Defence is going to be like, then that's what it'll be, and we'll do what we can to help out. And we'll know why. And it'll be okay.

Private message to Pansy

[alt_sally_anne]

I've been talking privately to Ron and it's driving me a bit batty because on one hand I want to tell him he doesn't have to become an Auror, that there's a million other things he can do that will be just as useful to the Order, and on the other hand I don't want him to feel like I'm telling him I'll hate him if he does become an Auror.

I hate seeing what it's doing to him and I'm convinced everything I'm saying to him that's supposed to be reassuring is just making him feel worse.

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_pansy]

I know what you mean.

Ugh.

This summer, seeing what it took out of him, it was

I mean, I know he doesn't even like to talk about it to us, well, I mean, he might've talked to you about it, but I just know it'll get worse, and I just

Yeah.

I'm worried about him too.

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_sally_anne]

He really didn't talk about it to me, either. NOW he's talking about it and it's, well, it's not actually as bad as I'd feared, I'd sort of worried at one point that they were making him cast cruciatus on people but they didn't.

But

Yeah.

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_pansy]

And if he's feeling bad about it already, it's hard to suggest he do something different because then it's like we wouldn't be supporting him fully or something, or would be judging him.

I don't know.

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_pansy]

Sometimes I think we'd be better off if we just ran away.

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_sally_anne]

Yeah.

I wish we could go somewhere like France. Or somewhere further than that, even.

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_pansy]

Iceland. Or Ecuador. Or Australia.

Somewhere we wouldn't have to be afraid all of the time, and where we could talk about anything we wanted, and do whatever we wanted, and we could just be, and heal people, and fiddle with potions and joke shops, and make magical maps, or actually help keep people safe, maybe, like MLE used to do.

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_sally_anne]

Right, exactly.

I mean I'm NOT judging him. Or Hydra or Mr Snape or Auror Lamont or any of the others who has to do something awful for the Order.

I'm not.

But hearing 'I'm not judging you!' is not exactly reassuring.

Re: Private message to Pansy

[alt_pansy]

I know you aren't. I know. And you're not saying he can't pull it off, or he isn't brave, or skilled enough either.

Merlin, Sally-Anne, he became an animagus for this. We can say he doesn't have to, but he's worked so hard.

Maybe we can talk to Mrs Longbottom or Mr Lupin?

Or Rachel?

[alt_ron]

Cheers, you.

Y'know, I couldn't do this at all if I didn't know you have my back. But I know you both do. And F-F, too.

But, yeah. I think it's going to be fairly awful in there. It's funny, I thought Dark Arts would be the horrible subject.


We should begin planning a coordinated attack to unroll in there in a couple of weeks that sets one of you up to tag Desai.

[alt_pansy]

All right, then.

I'd be willing to play it cautious so she'll underestimate me. We'll have to really drill outside of class, though.

And if Linus comes through, that might help sort out some things too.

[alt_ron]

Yeah. That was an excellent thing, putting him up to collecting data.

You can be rather brilliant, Fisheye. Scary how you manoeuvre people like that. You and Daphs.