alt_ron | Order Only Private Message to Harry Potter and Justin Finch-Fletchley

From:

alt_harry

Yeah, the brandy was good.

That was Justin's. I don't know where he got it.

From:

alt_justin

Ron,

I remember many a night this summer when it was far easier not to talk than to talk, what.

-Justin

From:

alt_ron

Y'know.

I kept thinking those people had just been Petrified. I mean AK. Was just like it stopped them. In a blink. And I kept thinking 'Finite'. How could they be completely dead? Just instantaneously like that.

I keep thinking it.

From:

alt_justin

Yes. I kept wondering why we were taking the trouble to pose them, when they'd simply die and fall. Only, that's not how it happened at all, what.

Mr Lupin wrote to me and Hydra, mostly because he didn't want us to think you were being smothered with attention and we were being ignored. He made certain to say that we could still pull out, what, whenever we wanted, and come to Grimmauld and stay there, and no one would think we were shirking.

The funny thing is, Saturday, we'd planned to do just that. Sunday, after breakfast. We were going to leave.

-Justin

From:

alt_harry

You and Hydra?

From:

alt_ron

You and Hydra?

To go where?

From:

alt_justin

Yes.

Sorry, old man.

-J

From:

alt_ron

Think what the papers would've said!

From:

alt_justin

Yes. To Grimmauld, in point of fact.

You remember she did finally come to the salle to meet me? She said she didn't want to do this anymore. Be her mother's protégé and be hated and feared at school.

So we were going to chuck it in, what.

And we'd just decided we couldn't do that to the Order when we got back to our dormitories and saw Mr Lupin's note. How's that for irony, old chap?

-J

From:

alt_harry

'French immigrant disappears. And we're not going to mention the involvement of anyone with the last name Lestrange because our articles have bylines and Bellatrix terrifies us.'

From:

alt_harry

Justin.

You can.

So can you, Ron. I don't

I mean

We're becoming what we hate. All of us.

From:

alt_ron

I was thinking about the tabloids. "Protector's son jilted by fiancée. Cheated by Lying Frenchman."

Reasonable point about their not daring to call Auror Lestrange's attention, though.

From:

alt_harry

Voldemort tried to make me like he is. He wanted me to learn how to kill, and torture, and all the rest.

And -- mostly I didn't. Or at least I tried not to.

But it's one thing to refuse when it's Voldemort who wants me to do something and it's another thing when it's the Order.

I didn't expect it to be like this.

From:

alt_ron

We can't just all hide and expect anything to change.

From:

alt_ron

It's not the Order that's making us do any of it, though.

I mean-

That's too twisty to think out after a third of a bottle of brandy. Sorry.

From:

alt_harry

I know.

But I'm supposed to be the one with the power to destroy him. If it's fate, maybe -- I don't know.

From:

alt_ron

What did V ~~your f~~

What did he try to teach you to do?

From:

alt_harry

No, I know.

Only, you wouldn't have kissed up to the Aurors if it weren't for the Order. You wouldn't have been in that position, if it weren't for the Order.

From:

alt_ron

I don't think we can just sit around and wait for that prophecy to play out. I mean, what if it's your fate to do it when you're 80 years old? Or when six other things fall into place that the prophecy didn't actually mention, but which have to happen first?

I mean, I think we have to do what we can, and then when your fate moment comes, you'll be ready and do it.

But if we just wait for it, things could get loads worse. And maybe we can make a difference between now and when you get your chance.

That's what I think, anywiz.

From:

alt_justin

Exactly, Ron. They're not asking us to do it, but what alternatives are there?

I did think of something that might help us all to cope, though. I suggested it to Hydra, that we meet regularly to chat and stay up to date on each other's--well, each other's progress, if you follow me.

Muggles have programmes for addicts, where they sit round and confess things to one another. Ways they've strayed off their path, or desires they have to behave poorly. They encourage each other to stay the course, and remind one another of their goals to keep away from drugs or stealing or whatever it is that plagues them.

We could arrange something of that sort, what. Where we talk to one another, in person, once a week or so. Without judging one another, but to remind each other of the people we want to be, and not the people we're becoming.

-Justin

From:

alt_harry

He wanted me to murder Ridley. I'm pretty sure now he wanted me to create a horcrux.

And he wanted me to crucio Hermione, to punish her that time she called me 'Harry' in the journals. Except he just forgot about that, completely. But I spent weeks trying to learn on animals. It was horrible. I didn't want to hurt Hermione but I knew if I refused, or failed, it would be even worse. For her, or for Draco, or for both of them.

That was always the threat. That my friends would be hurt, or would be hurt worse.

From:

alt_harry

Are you thinking just you, Ron, and Hydra? Or a larger group?

From:

alt_ron

Well. I'm doing it because I think if I get on the inside, I can make a difference. Get a message out at the right moment to change some outcome or give everyone else a better shot at winning.

Only-

I admit I thought I'd be able to stand up and say I wouldn't hurt people for no reason. That I'd be better than that.

I think I was totally wrong about that part.

From:

alt_ron

Well it's not as if we'll be giving up doing anything.

Really, they sit around and confess stuff to each other?

From:

alt_justin

All the Order Juniors here at Hogwarts. All of us who are still under cover, as it were.

-Justin

From:

alt_harry

It wouldn't have mattered to the people who died. Someone else would have killed them.

It would have mattered to you.

But then you wouldn't have been able to be an Auror. And we'd have lost that.

From:

alt_justin

There's rather more to it than that, I think, but it's not as if I've been to anything like it. I've seen a few films with depictions, what.

-J

From:

alt_ron

So we turn that around by agreeing we're willing to get hurt as long and as much as it takes.

Don't ever not do something because you think I'm going to get hurt. I'm serious. No ransom. Not for me.

Did he teach you to use AK? Or just expect you'd be able to do it the first time he wanted you to?

I couldn't. Not the first time.

From:

alt_harry

Well, sure, we could do that. If you think it would help you, and Hydra, especially.

We could meet in the Secret Room.

From:

alt_harry

He had Raz teach it to me, using animals.

Same as with cruciatus.

From:

alt_justin

Hear, hear.

What happens to us doesn't matter, so long as we're trying every way we can do to resist the regime, what. And to resist allowing ourselves to change.

I know we did irreparable harm Sunday. But I have to think that when people hear about Ollerton they'll be as horrified as we are, and it will change the conversation.

Smith gave me a black eye, for goodness' sake! He was angry and upset enough to do that. I'll gladly be punched a thousand times if it means more people like him are bally well disturbed and shaken into action.

-J

From:

alt_ron

That's the thing.

I can't be an Auror who doesn't train and doesn't follow protocol and doesn't... do the off-book things they all do. If I want to be inside, I have to actually be that.

I guess, the thing is, I really think it's important to do it. Whatever it means I have to do. Because if we can win, then it can stop. We can change the laws and purge MLE and put people in front of the Wizengamot for what they've done. Including me, maybe. But we can change it all. And Charlie's kid won't have to live-

Sorry. That's-

Y'know?

From:

alt_harry

Yeah, I know.

From:

alt_harry

I'll be damned if you're ever in front of the Wizengamot for any reason other than receiving the Order of Merlin, though.

From:

alt_ron

Not allowing ourselves to change

Thing is-

I mean, you're right, if it was horrible enough that everyone else finally thinks about what's happening and decides it's got to stop, then those things--those people dying--at least then it means something.

That can't make it right, though.

And we can't go back, either. I can't see how we ever can

From:

alt_ron

. . .

Thanks.

From:

alt_justin

Ron,

I think.... I believe that we're not making these sacrifices--not creating this world that we want--for ourselves. I mean to say, t would be bally well nice to be able to enjoy it, what, but it's more important that Adam and Nicole and everyone like them be able to reap the benefits of the work we're doing.

So yes, if we must burn our own souls to dust, so be it. No, we'll never go back. But we'll know why we chose as we did.

-J