He was here? That's odd. It's not a Quidditch game day or anything. Or maybe he was here for something with running the school. Isn't he on the board of governors or something?
I mean, Pansy's been really worried about Mr Black, and last night when he wrote, Mrs Malfoy was all worried like he was going to do something dire again. And I think maybe he did. But I don't know. It could just be that Pansy's been getting all upset and Mr Malfoy came to tell her there's no need to worry. Or, I dunno.
No, no one saw me writing. Only usually I slip off to the loo or something if I want to write under the lock, so Pansy won't see me, and I don't want to leave her tonight even for a little while as she's really upset.
She'd drawn the curtain around her bed so I thought it would be alright but then she pulled them back. But I heard her stirring and swapped the journal for some homework, she didn't see.
Mr Malfoy came today to tell Pansy that Regulus Black was dead.
Mr Malfoy met us after we came out from Herbology and Pansy grabbed my arm when she saw him coming. I mean we both knew it was bad news. He wanted Draco, too, and I went along because I didn't want to leave Pansy, though he told me he wanted to speak to her privately and I should wait outside.
They were in there a long time. A really long time. I think he didn't want to send her out until she'd stopped crying. I kept reading and re-reading what Regulus wrote last night, and what Mrs Malfoy and Mr Crouch wrote and thought about all the things that could have happened that would be awful enough Mr Malfoy would come to Hogwarts to tell Pansy and Draco in person.
I mean, he could've just cut off his wand arm and done it properly this time, but I thought it was probably worse than that, since the Lord Protector summoned the Malfoys over it. I thought he was dead but what worried me the worst was that he'd done something, you know, treasonous. That they'd say he was a traitor and forbid Pansy to act sad in public. But it doesn't sound like they're saying anything of the sort. They'll probably blame everything on Sirius again.
Yes, he killed himself. At least, that's what Mr Malfoy told Pansy. He said he was sick, you know, that it wasn't anyone's fault, all the things people say.
I don't know what to believe.
Mrs Black is dead, too. Regulus's mum, the horrid lady they made Pansy stay with at Christmas first year. She died from the shock. I don't believe it; she wasn't the sort of fragile old lady who'd die from shock about anything. I wonder if maybe Regulus killed her, and then himself, and they don't want to put that about.
He could've taken her somewhere. Or he could've done it and then taken her body, that would be easy enough. Or the elf could've said the house was empty because they were both dead.
Oh and when I said I don't know what to believe, I don't want you to think I think maybe it's Pansy's fault.
I mean that I don't know whether I believe he killed himself, and if he DID kill himself if it was because he was sick and sad and couldn't bear to live any longer.
I keep thinking about what you said, about how if someone were trying to make you do something horrible you could refuse and let them kill you.
Except if they weren't threatening to kill YOU but threatening to hurt someone else -- well, if they wanted something from you and you killed YOURSELF, they wouldn't have reason to threaten that other person anymore, right?
I keep wondering if someone if the Lord Protector was threatening Pansy.
I wish I hadn't thought of it. I've been worrying about something like that ever since those girls went missing. Because they DID look like Pansy, you know. Not exactly, but
if someone wanted to threaten Pansy in a really twisted and awful way, killing those girls
Yeah anyway I'm going to try to stop thinking about it. Mr Malfoy loves Pansy and will protect her, surely.
I keep checking to see if Mr Malfoy has written anything but he hasn't yet.
I'm curious what he'll say in public, too. Probably about the same as he told Pansy only with less of the 'it wasn't anyone's fault' because he was really worried Pansy would blame herself, I think. Or not blame herself exactly, but think that if she'd just said the right thing she might have convinced him not to do it.
really really worn out right now. and I'd rather not make a big fuss where everyone can read, and it's almost curfew. so I'll talk to you tomorrow, yeah?
And I'm sorry. I feel like I've just been
well I've been a bit of a downer lately, haven't I?
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branchandroot
I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-19 11:37 pm (UTC)I didn't see you at supper, but I heard that Mr Malfoy was here and that Pansy's really upset. What's happened?
Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-19 11:51 pm (UTC)Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 12:06 am (UTC)I mean, Pansy's been really worried about Mr Black, and last night when he wrote, Mrs Malfoy was all worried like he was going to do something dire again. And I think maybe he did. But I don't know. It could just be that Pansy's been getting all upset and Mr Malfoy came to tell her there's no need to worry. Or, I dunno.
Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 01:19 am (UTC)He came to
sorry
Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 01:20 am (UTC)What happened? Did someone see you writing?
Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 01:29 am (UTC)She'd drawn the curtain around her bed so I thought it would be alright but then she pulled them back. But I heard her stirring and swapped the journal for some homework, she didn't see.
Mr Malfoy came today to tell Pansy that Regulus Black was dead.
Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 01:41 am (UTC)They were in there a long time. A really long time. I think he didn't want to send her out until she'd stopped crying. I kept reading and re-reading what Regulus wrote last night, and what Mrs Malfoy and Mr Crouch wrote and thought about all the things that could have happened that would be awful enough Mr Malfoy would come to Hogwarts to tell Pansy and Draco in person.
I mean, he could've just cut off his wand arm and done it properly this time, but I thought it was probably worse than that, since the Lord Protector summoned the Malfoys over it. I thought he was dead but what worried me the worst was that he'd done something, you know, treasonous. That they'd say he was a traitor and forbid Pansy to act sad in public. But it doesn't sound like they're saying anything of the sort. They'll probably blame everything on Sirius again.
Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 01:56 am (UTC)I thought it might've been that bad. But I was really, really hoping, y'know, it wasn't.
I'm glad you went with her. Even if he did make you stay outside.
But what happened to him? Has Pansy said? I mean, did he top himself? Or
or, y'know, did someone kill him? It's only Mrs Malfoy said today the house was empty, so what does that even mean?
Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 02:37 am (UTC)I don't know what to believe.
Mrs Black is dead, too. Regulus's mum, the horrid lady they made Pansy stay with at Christmas first year. She died from the shock. I don't believe it; she wasn't the sort of fragile old lady who'd die from shock about anything. I wonder if maybe Regulus killed her, and then himself, and they don't want to put that about.
Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 03:00 am (UTC)did he take her somewhere to do it? I mean, how was the house empty? Or, well
maybe it was just that there wasn't anyone alive in it. It was just an elf that told her that, so I guess it might not've been quite what it said.
Huh. I guess it doesn't matter, really.
It's just, well, yeah. They're both dead.
Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 03:06 am (UTC)Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 03:09 am (UTC)Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 02:42 am (UTC)I mean that I don't know whether I believe he killed himself, and if he DID kill himself if it was because he was sick and sad and couldn't bear to live any longer.
I keep thinking about what you said, about how if someone were trying to make you do something horrible you could refuse and let them kill you.
Except if they weren't threatening to kill YOU but threatening to hurt someone else -- well, if they wanted something from you and you killed YOURSELF, they wouldn't have reason to threaten that other person anymore, right?
I keep wondering if
someoneif the Lord Protector was threatening Pansy.Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 02:57 am (UTC)Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 03:08 am (UTC)I wish I hadn't thought of it. I've been worrying about something like that ever since those girls went missing. Because they DID look like Pansy, you know. Not exactly, but
if someone wanted to threaten Pansy in a really twisted and awful way, killing those girls
Yeah anyway I'm going to try to stop thinking about it. Mr Malfoy loves Pansy and will protect her, surely.
Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 03:07 am (UTC)No, that can't be right.
Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 02:24 am (UTC)I don't even know what to say.
I wonder what they'll say in public about it. Well, I guess we'll hear soon enough.
As for Parkinson--well, I guess I'm glad she's with a friend.
Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good
Date: 2010-05-20 02:54 am (UTC)I'm curious what he'll say in public, too. Probably about the same as he told Pansy only with less of the 'it wasn't anyone's fault' because he was really worried Pansy would blame herself, I think. Or not blame herself exactly, but think that if she'd just said the right thing she might have convinced him not to do it.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-20 12:10 am (UTC)I'm not.
I'm just
really really worn out right now. and I'd rather not make a big fuss where everyone can read, and it's almost curfew. so I'll talk to you tomorrow, yeah?
And I'm sorry. I feel like I've just been
well I've been a bit of a downer lately, haven't I?
so I'm sorry I haven't been a better friend.
But you've been great.
And I really appreciate that.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-20 12:19 am (UTC)But, yeah. We can talk whenever you want.
Okay?
no subject
Date: 2010-05-20 12:35 am (UTC)