I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_ron]

So. Bill's said sorry.


What he actually said was... well. Some of it was just stupid things people say when they're trying to say sorry and the rest of it was actually pretty insulting, only I don't think he meant me to take it that way.

The best thing I can say about it is that he wants me to not hate him because he wants us to still want to join them. He even said he and Mum would ask if we could join, but he doesn't think they'll say yes. And I reckon he's right about that, cause I don't think he's going to try very hard to convince them.

What he wants is for me--for all of us--to go back to being patient and to just wait until they all decide they want to bother with us. But between now and then, he doesn't want us hacked off and doing stuff secretly. Which. He can hope that all he likes, yeah?

Argh. Yeah. I could really get hacked off all over again about what he said. It was-

I told Mum last night that I wanted to talk about what sort of job I should try for that would be really useful to the Wan Order and also what I could do now that would help them. So today, Bill says: 'You wanted us to tell you things we need people to do? Well. We need people who can forge documents. The other thing is that I have a bunch of analysts who do research for me.'

There's no way he even thinks I could do either of those things. Maybe I was meant to think he was complimenting me, but honestly? He thinks I'm stupid. Stupid enough to think he took me seriously.

The thing about Bill is he's always wanted to act like he's my second father, like he can tell me what to do and tell me off for what I shouldn't have done and like he has the right to punish me if I don't do what he says or if I'm not doing what Mum or Dad says. But he's not Dad, and he's not ever going to be him. And right now? Acting like that is just-

If he hadn't hit me so hard last night, I'd have hexed him for that rubbish. Another second or two and I'd've had my wand out. I'm serious.

And I don't know if he gets how out of line he was, but he does get that Dad wouldn't have liked what he did to me. At all. And I think he gets that Dad would have answered my questions and that it would all have come out differently.

And I think that scared him. Made him sad, too. But scared him that he might have messed up with me and not done what Dad would have wanted.

And he's too right about that.

So that's what it is. Bill's still being a git. The Order's going to meet. Tomorrow, I guess. And I don't think they're going to take us.

Sorry I didn't do a better job with Mum. Maybe it would've come out differently.

Comments

[alt_sally_anne]

He wants you to forge things?

Has he seen your handwriting?

That's just ... the dumbest thing ever. Like saying to the Twins, 'oh brilliant! we need your help; we'd like you to become Dolores Umbridge's favourite students.' Or saying to Neville, 'why don't you become a Quidditch player?' or ... yeah.

[alt_sally_anne]

Also.

They want us to want to join but they don't actually want to let us join. And they also don't want us to go off and try to do anything on our own but their ideas for things you could do are just stupid and also the Twins said that what they want is for us to get better at the things we're particularly talented in but Bill's ideas...

I mean it's not that you can't do research. That's just reading, yeah? You do research for school assignments all the time. But the Hogwarts Library, the not-restricted section, is hardly going to have some hard-to-find volume that Bill can't get any other way. You might be able to get a pass into the restricted section from Professor Dolohov but they'd really prefer we not talk to him, either, that was clear.

I just

I don't

well they do have Hermione as a member so clearly they aren't ALL utter eejits.

[alt_justin]

Ron,

I say, that's rubbish, what? Particularly in light of the list we made up last night of all the things we could do to help.

I've a mind to form our own Order and help them in spite of themselves.

For that matter, Sally-Anne could forge, I'd wager. Or I could, if I practised a bit, perhaps. I say, Sally-Anne, perhaps you're right and I ought to put Sirius to the question sooner rather than later.

-Justin

[alt_pansy]

That's awful.

I wouldn't have blamed you for hitting him. Not a bit.

And I think

Well, I think it's not an entirely bad thing, if they're being like that. For us to do things our way, at least for a little while. To sort out what we want to do, and how we'd go about doing it. Rather than being told.

[alt_justin]

I do think we ought to use the coins, particularly as we can control who gets them, what? We can organise properly in that secret room.

I think we each might list the skills we believe would be useful, to whatever sort of enterprise we decide to undertake.

And I think we ought to each list the nature of the enterprise (by which I mean to say, we ought to each say what we think we are willing to do, or should do, or what our goal ought to be). Perhaps we could meet on the train or when we all get back on Sunday?

-Justin

[alt_justin]

You know, something else I think we could do would be invent some charity or industry that requires support. Like that bally old nonsense about rebuilding Ireland, what? Something that people would look well horrid if they didn't support, but that really helped us help the muggles in the camps and such.

Or perhaps we ought to send the money to France and have them send us things back that the Protectorate hasn't got, but people want.

I say, we'd be the smugglers, then, what!

-Justin