I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_ron]

Hey.

Have you lot heard what happened to Diggory? I hear someone hexed his willy and turned it into a plum. He had to go to Madam Pomfrey to get it turned back.

I mean to say, that's just

that's right dangerous, messing about with somebody's bits like that.

Comments

[alt_sally_anne]

There's a hex that turns someone's willy into a plum? What is it? It would be good to know, you know, for people like Letchley.

[alt_ron]

Uh. No idea.

I mean, really, that's going a bit too far, don't you think?

Seriously. It could really do some damage, y'know.

I mean

uh

yeah, I can't even think about it without going all queer

it's just

no

[alt_sally_anne]

Well it's dreadful someone doing that to Diggory. He's never done anything to deserve it (that I've heard about).

[alt_ron]

Yeah.

Can you imagine having to go to Madam Pomfrey for that?

Poor bloke.

But you couldn't just let it stay that way, either. At all.

[alt_sally_anne]

Do you suppose it was an actual plum or just LOOKED like a plum but still worked like a willy?

(Not that either is good.)

[alt_ron]

Um.

This is kind of sick, but Towler and some of the rest have been saying it probably looked more like a prune.

And, uh. I think it worked, cause he was weeing in the Prefects' loo when someone saw him. That's how it got out that it happened.

If you mean other stuff, though. I've no idea. And, um. Yeah.

Heh.

[alt_sally_anne]

So who was it who saw, anyway? I thought boys weren't supposed to go staring at each other's bits in the loo.

[alt_ron]

Well, some of the other Prefects, wasn't it? One of the Tamblyns, I think. Or maybe it was both of them. But there were probably loads of them in there.

And obviously Diggory was upset about it. Would've been hard not to notice.

But, yeah, mostly we don't go round looking at each other. Except, y'know, if you hear someone's got something odd

yeah, never mind

[alt_neville]

Don't blame him a bit for getting upset. I wonder if it's going to get really ugly for him. You know, if people are going to go on about how he shouldn't be a champion.

[alt_gredforge]

Ugh. We agree, that's just not on. Not to Diggory. He's a right decent bloke.

[alt_lee]

Wonder if he knows who did it to him? Maybe he'd be open to some assistance from you lot in getting revenge?

[alt_gredforge]

Mmm. He'll probably be rather sore. About the whole subject. So to speak.

Still, we could put the word out we'd be willing to lend some assistance.

[alt_terry]

Well, I wouldn't wish that sort of thing on Diggory--he never was nasty to me. But I sort of wish one of you could find out how to do that spell. Because I know someone I'd like to try it on. Since he doesn't know I have a wand, he couldn't blame me.

[alt_gredforge]

Merlin, Professor. You just made George snort pumpkin juice up his nose. He's still laughing.

[alt_gredforge]

Awesome idea, Professor--but no, really, you'd better not. Think about it: it's not the sort of thing a man can ignore. Especially a mean snake of a man like the git. And once it dawns on him that someone has hexed him inside the castle--much less a castle protected by the Fidelius charm--he won't rest until he finds out who did it.

Still...we can't blame you for toying with the idea. The mental picture is just delightful.

[alt_ron]

Yeah. Don't you think Carrow'd just figure it was wild magic you'd done without a wand?

Remember when Malfoy's muggleborn got his magic? And it seems it'd be loads easier for Carrow to figure it's you, since you say there's really no one else there in the castle that it could be. And even if some of the prisoners are muggleborn, you wouldn't want him deciding it was someone else that did it, right?